In honor of the Super Bowl, I asked all of the professional triathletes I know if they had ever played in the NFL…and then I went with plan b. I interviewed an NFLer about all things spandex related. Luckily, the Houston Texans wide receiver, Dave Anderson, has an abundance of spandex knowledge.

LT:  Other than the fact we both wear spandex pants, what else do football players and triathletes have in common?
DA: We run. I can swim pretty well, but as for the rest of football players they would sink like bricks. As for bikes, not many of them would fit on a normal one. And I see a lot of players wearing those skull caps because of their braids and their afros, I don’t know if that is why triathletes wear them but maybe.

LT: Speaking of spandex pants, have you ever heard anyone in the locker room ask, “do these pants make my butt look big?”

DA:  Absolutely! That is the only part of our bodies you can really see. Our faces and upper body are covered with a helmet and pads, so your butt better be your best asset, no pun intended.

LT: What do you think is a more stressful job, being the kicker on a football team, or a school bus driver?
DA: School bus driver. There is no way those people get paid enough for what they have to put up with. I know I would be like Farley in Billy Madison if it were me. Kickers get paid millions to kick a ball. They never practice, never have to meet, and they never have to exercise. Sounds like the easiest job to me hahaha.

LT:  Do you ever wish the Texans had a more creative name? If you were to rename the team, what would you go with?
DA: We always talk about that. Only team to be named after their state. If every team did that, the best name would be the Washington District of Columbians. As for what name did I wish we had . . . . maybe the Houston
 

LT: What about yourself? Have you ever considered renaming yourself (not that there is anything wrong with ‘Dave,’ that is a fine name).
DA: Kind of. Since I have been little every school I have been to there has been another kid named David Anderson, so that wasn’t cool. I think my middle name Kent is cool, but I have always been Dave so i can’t see myself being anything different. Although I wouldn’t mind going by Tom Brady or Tiger Woods right about now.

LT: What is the farthest distance a coach has ever made you run?
DA: It will actually happen in March. Coach Kubiak has signed us all up for a 5k, for this charity for troops. Not sure if I am going to make it without my “Heelys” or better known as roller shoes. Are those leagal in triathlons? If not they should be.

LT: How fast do you think Coach Kubiak could run a mile?
DA: He exercises quite a bit. And all old players start running long distances once they retire. So maybe like 8 minutes

LT: Last but not least, is Tom Brady really injured, or do you think he is faking the limp?
DA: Tom Brady is fine. The only reason he has a limp it is because of a pimp walk. Or maybe his back is hurting from carrying the Patriots.