I did a half ironman on my 28th birthday a few weeks ago, and as I was road tripping back, I made a list of 30 things to do before I turn 30. It is a pretty standard list…do the Leadville 100 mtb, run Boston, do a big scary race this June that I will be sure to write a blog about if I dont die (just kidding mom. No I am not). Everything on the list is a new adventure, except for one re-do of an old adventure. A few years ago, I went on a pretty sick run that involved trails, a highway shoulder, and running over a mountain. I was about halfway through the “running over a mountain” part when a mastiff jumped a fence, ran across the road and tried to bite my face. I got my hands up just in time to protect my money-maker, but things got really messy after that (I will spare you the details in case you are eating).

This morning I embarked on the run for a second time, it is about 16 miles and shaped like a octogonal-gon snowman…you are just going to have to trust me on that one. I did my best to avoid any mishaps. When I saw a big scary bird on my side of the road, I immediately ran on the other side. My friend Justin R. had a goose land in his lap while he was riding a bike, and it beat him with it’s wings until he crashed. Seriously. That happened. I also made sure to pee next to the porta potty instead of in it. I locked myself in a portaloo once with a rattler, and I have never been the same. Actually, I am totally the same, I just wee outside now.

As I made the turn where the dog attacked me, I instinctively threw my arms over my head to look huge. And like an idiot. But mainly, I was after the “huge” part. I was safely past the scene of the crime and patting myself on the back when my worst nightmare crossed the street. I froze. It froze. A lady came by on her bike. I yelled, “is that a mountain lion?!?!” she said, “just pretend it is a big fox.” Then proceeded to stand up and sprint away. WTF lady, that helps me…..NOT AT ALL. So, I put my arms over my head, and did the idiot run for the next quarter mile with my head on a swivel. Then I threw up. Apparently my bodies reaction to stress is to show everyone what I ate for breakfast. You dont have to tell me twice how adorable that is.

I am now 1 mission accomplished and 29 to go.

Where to begin this story….(If you answered “at the beginning!” you have obviously never heard me tell a story). So my BFF Fisch Face was racing Ironman Florida a few years ago, and my other bestie, Maura, and I went as the support crew. Now, I am not sure what an Ironman support crew is actually supposed to do, but I can tell you what we did. We sat at Jimmy Buffets restaurant drinking mojitos and requesting the house band to play awesome jams like “Piano Man.” The boy I had a crush on at the time (oh wait, that makes me sound like I am 12), I mean, the man I fancied (oh wait, that makes me sound like I am 72) was also in town, working the expo. As we rocked out to Billy Joel covers, I wandered aloud what he was up to. Maura offered to text him and ask. I sat. And waited for a response. And waited. And waited. And waited. And then I cracked, “has he responded yet????” Maura looked at her phone and said, “I sent him a message at 9:05, it’s still 9:05, it’s the same minute. Training has been feeling like this lately. I do a swim set, I do it again the next week, and then I wonder why I am not significantly faster. At which time I have to remind myself, it is the same minute.
After a few years of illness and injury and life (it’s the life part that can really leave a mark) the road to fitness seems like a very loooong steeeep path. So, I have employed a new tactic while I wait for the next minute to come. It goes like this, “if you can’t beat them, confuse them.” With bizarre behaviors and hideous outfits, it is possible to throw your training partners off to the point that they don’t realize they just crushed you. They were too busy wondering where a person might buy those thigh-high wool socks with cartoon frogs all over them. Trust me friends- it is a fool proof plan.

When all you see is feet, flags, wall. Feet, flags, wall.
And all you feel is suffocation and burning.
And all you taste is lactic acid and chlorine.
It doesnt really matter where your pool is located. Does it?

This morning, I told Erin that I felt like my jogging outfit for the day matched almost “too well.” She died laughing…maybe I didn’t match. I don’t see very many colors, except for pink. Which is probably why I love pink so much, I can see it. When I was 9 my family moved from Grand Island to Lincoln for the second time (don’t ask), and my mother gave my father and I the job of going to Lincoln and buying a new house. At some point during that road trip, my dad handed the job over to me. You can only imagine my delight when we walked into a house that donned pink carpet! The living room carpet was an especially cute shade of Pepto Bismal! Loved it!!! (I was 9…remember? I told you that at the beginning of this blog) and so we bought the house. My mom walked in and threatened to die on the spot. We ended up moving down the street pretty soon thereafter.
So anyway, I was wearing a jogging outfit this morning, because I was going jogging, which is a pretty exciting turn of events. I have been sick with mono for a while now, which isn’t quite as fun as it sounds. I get asked at least once a day how I got mono…from kissing too many boys, duh- every one knows thats how a person gets mono! No, just kidding, that’s not how I got it. I learned a pretty valuable lesson over the summer about energy expenditure. All energy is drawn from the same well. When it comes to the energy that our body provides, there is no differentiation between work stress, training stress, I drank too much last night stress, relationship stress, getting ready to run a marathon stress, travel stress, etc. Simply put, I got too tired. And then I got mono. And then I rested. And now I am wearing a jogging outfit that may or may not match. Things are looking up….

I started working at NEWTON Running shoe company a couple months ago, and it has been quite the lifestyle change. I am a 9 to 5er, actually, I normally work until 6- because business is booming. Long gone are the days of riding my bike all morning, or going for an afternoon swim. To be honest, I have never been happier. I spend my days with some of the most inspiring people I have ever met, and we are creating something that the shoe industry has never seen. As much as I love what I am doing (I am the North American Retail Sales Coordinator), I have learned the importance of “emergency shoes.” Emergency shoes?! Yes, emergency shoes. They are the running shoes that sit by my desk.

I run in the morning, before going into work, which is the only way that it is possible for my ADD self to sit in an office all day, and then I go to work, and put my pink shoes under my computer. They sit there as a reminder that no matter what happens between 9 and 6, I get to end my day the same way I started it- with a run. Where I am immune to phone calls, emails, lost shoes, disgruntled retailers, the lost shoes that get found in the wrong state, and my boss’s very old dog who lies by my desk, threatening to die on a daily basis. Needless to say, there has been a lot of running going on lately. With that in mind, I signed up for the New York City Marathon with Timex, one of the race’s sponsors. I have no idea what caused me to open my mouth (oh, maybe the fact I can never keep it closed), but I started doing what I do best…talking smack. Normally this is reserved for the swimming pool, where I threaten to swim people’s faces off on a pretty regular basis, but this time, my target was NEWTON’s COO, Stephen, who is also running NYC. So, we put a $1 bet on who would run faster, and then doubled the bet, and then doubled the bet. At this rate, I will have to sell my car if I have a bad in the Big Apple. When the time came to officially register, I listed my predicted time as 1 minute faster than what Stephen told me his goal time is. And with that, I have something that has been missing for the last 3 years of triathlon. I have a goal. And a full time job. And a pair of emergency shoes. I have some satisfaction in a well balanced life.