This week’s interviewee is not a triathlete, but I think he may still qualify as an “athlete” so at least he has part of the title right. Chris Thompson is a swimming Olympic medalist, and a former American Record holder for the 1500, and World Record holder for the 1000.

Laura: Any chance you could answer 6 questions for me?
Chris: depends on the 6 questions…go ahead
LT: what is the scariest animal you have ever seen while swimming open water?
CT: I’ve never seen anything creepy, probably just jellyfish because of the stings. I’ve never seen sharks or anything
LT: scariest workout you have ever done?
CT: scariest? don’t know if I’ve been scared of a workout
LT: hardest?
CT: 3×800 @ 8:20, 3×500 @ 5:05, 3×400 @ 4:00, 3×300 @ 3:00, 3×200 @ 1:55, 6×100 @ 1:00
LT: Dang. Have you ever used the line, “yeah, well I am an Olympian”?
CT: maybe in jest, but not that I recall in everyday conversation
LT: Riiiight. What is the secret to becoming an Olympian?
CT: There is no one single thing, it is a combination of a lot of things… hard work, dedication, talent, coaching, family, luck
LT: What is the secret to surviving a Michigan winter?
CT: Warm clothing
LT: worst nickname anyone has ever given you?
CT: in high school it was ‘fish’… which is totally unoriginal (a swimmer nicknamed fish).. it toally lacks any sort of creativity, totally
LT: yep…here is your last question, have you ever been arrested?
CT: You already asked 6 questions

LT: This is the bonus round, there is always a bonus round. Have you ever been arrested? feel free to elaborate 

CT: I’ve never even gotten a speeding ticket
LT: have you ever cried to get out of a speeding ticket?
CT: No, but I know you have

 LT: and that concludes our interview

James Hadley: Pretty face, popular bachelor, serenader with an accent…but wait, there is more. This British triathlete placed in the top ten at St. Croix, Muskoka and Timberman in 2007. Recently, Hadley finished 6th overall at the Laguna Phuket Triathlon.

LT: Let’s get the most important question out of the way first, while in Boulder, did you ever run over a prairie dog with your bike?

 JH:  No I have never ran over a prairie dog. They are really cute.

LT: What is more important when it comes to being a “ladies man” aftershave, or skin tight shirts?

JH: I think the most important thing to being a ladies man is the skin tight shirts. If a guy wears a shirt it has to be fitted to the body shape, and if he wears a t-shirt it has to be body hugging and not blue in colour. Black is the best. Although a good aftershave is almost equally important.

LT: Do you follow the “no swimming with in 30 minutes of eating” rule?

JH: No I don’t follow the “no swimming within 30 minutes of eating” rule. I often swim with a bloated full stomach. So now I have tried the protein shake before I swim with a red bull. That works way better.

LT: You were recently in Thailand…anything you would like to share?

JH: Haha. Yes I was in Thailand. What are you thinking I would like to share???
The women are hot, and the people were extremely friendly. I think it was the best race I have ever been to. Sorry there isn’t any more. I hope you weren’t wanting some seedy  gossip! haha.

LT: What is the worst nickname you have ever been give?

JH:  My worst nickname??? I don’t think I have had a bad one. I suppose being called “Badboy” or “player” doesn’t seem to go down too well with the women, but I have been fortunate that if people have had bad nicknames for me, they have done well to hide it from me.

LT: On a scale from 1-10, how bummed are you that the Island 80 triathlon won’t happen this year?

JH: I wasn’t aware that Island 80 isn’t on anymore…I am well bummed about it though, as I was planning on racing it! So a 10 for that!

“This is that good feeling, the feeling of pain,” this week’s interviewee said to me as we ran intervals on a dusty trail last summer. Then she flew off into the distance, enjoying her pain. I am pretty sure that is the mantality that made this week’s interviewee the world-class athlete that she is. Desiree Ficker is not only a triathlon dominator, she is also pretty darn funny (see below for details).

LT: Please share any childhood experiences you had as a ballerina/girl scout/cheerleader.

DF: I was a Brownie in first and second grade. I remember being annoyed that I had to wear my Brownie uniform to school on the same day we had to do the timed rope climb in gym because it slowed me down.

LT: When you were in fourth grade, what did you want to be when you grew up?

DF: I wanted to be a teacher during the school year and an ice cream man in the summer, so I could have all the free ice cream I wanted! That was a lot of progress from first grade when I wanted to be a ditchdigger.

LT: Have you ever forgotten anything in transition? i.e. taken off on the run with your helmet still on, put your helmet on with your cap still on, etc.

DF: No, but I heard there was a guy in Lake Placid who forgot to put on anything under his wetsuit and the strippers stripped off his suit. I sometimes have the feeling that I might have done that.

LT: Have you ever been arrested? Feel free to elaborate.

DF: Never, no, although, a girl did try to punch me once when I ate some of her french fries out at a bar. That was the closest I ever came to that sort of “fun”.

LT: Have you ever run over a prairie dog while riding your bike?

DF: Never a prairie dog, but unfortunately a possum. I was riding my mountain bike home one night in the dark and the little sucker was crossing the road so fast I went right over him. It was as if he went right through my hands! It was just awful. The last vision I had was of his extremely long rat like tail smashed on the road. Bleeeaa!

LT: When you found out that Andy Baldwin was going to be the Bachelor, did you consider applying to be on the show?

DF: Andy is too good looking for my taste :)

LT: Anything else you would like to add?

DF: Laura Tingle rocks and she is really good at putting up with Simon Lessing’s harassment :)

LT: Oh, stop

This week’s interviewee has been pretty busy grabbing the bull by the horns lately, so I was wickedly happy when he took the time for an interview. The horn grabber is Will Kelsay, Xterra pro extraordinaire, who may be best known for his multicolored mohowak. Last summer Will drove across the country in an RV and raced an Xterra every weekend in June, July and August. His great adventure stretched from New York to California…dang.

LT:  Racing an Xterra in a speedo, good idea or bad?

WK: Good idea if you wanna draw attention and make a fool out of yourself. Not a good idea if you aren’t confident about not crashing on the bike. And I’m proof that you should probably tan once or twice before doing it. Nobody likes looking at a pasty white skinny kid in a speedo.

LT:  On a scale from 1-10, how hard is it to get a woman to join you in your RV?

WK: 1 being easy and 10 being hard - about 8. If I “forget” to leave that fact out when I’m picking up girls,  I’m usually golden. As impressive as it is to say that “I own my own home,” usually they aren’t very impressed when I explain the details.

LT:  As a fourth grader, what did you want to be when you grew up?

WK: Captain Underpants

LT: While on the Xterra adventure, did you ever pick, hunt, catch or behead your own food?

WK: I hit a bunch of deer on my bike, wrestled them to the ground, but they got away before I could make the kill. I totally picked and ate a bunch of berries, but after having to run to the can multiple times, I regret that decision. I did go fishing in Crested Butte and caught my limit in 20 minutes. The trout were fantastic!

LT: I hear you are growing a mustache, do you plan to dye it to match your mohawk? and what sort of mustache do you aspire to grow? personally, I like the ones that curl up at the ends, typically sported by the villain in most western movies.

WK: I wish I could grow a foo-man-chu, but my girlie excuse for facial hair doesn’t even come close. After one month of growing what looked like a dirty upper lip, I decided to dye it purple. Big mistake. I ended up dying my lip purple and had to shave it off to get rid of it.

LT:  Have you ever run over a prairie dog while riding your bike?

WK: Prairie dog - no. But I have run over several squirrels, turtles, and mice. Oh and there was that moos-a-potamus rex (1/2 moose, 1/2 hippopotamus, 1/2 tyrannosaurus rex)

LT:  If someone offered you “X” amount of money to name your first child Phalanges Phlegm, what would “X” have to be?

WK: uuummm… I’m thinking about 50 bucks

LT: Anything else you would like to add?

WK: yeah, could I get a side of fries, animal style.

There once was a time…like, after dinosaurs and before MC Hammer, when professionals would race every distance. Two to tens hours, they raced it all. Then the tide turned (may or may not have been dinosaur related) and people started to specialize in a specific distance. Apparently this week’s interviewee didn’t get the memo. Anything you hand to her, she can race, because she is that good. This week’s interviewee is Joanna Zeiger.

 LT: Have you/will you ever use the line, “yeah, well I am an Olympian.”

JZ: I am too embarrassed to play that card. I would feel like an idiot trying to pull that off. 

LT:  I noticed your hair is the longest I have ever seen it, how long are you planning on growing it?

JZ: I am going for the Chia pet look, which I think I have successfully achieved (for those of you who have not seen me lately, my hair is very, very thick and curly). Since the humidity in is so low, generally things are under control. But send me to a humid environment and I start sporting the “dead poodle” look. Not sure how much longer it will get. Once it reaches a certain point is grows out instead of down.

LT: I have also noticed there is a very fast group of female triathletes originally from Maryland…why do you suppose that is?

JZ: We just got smart and realized that Boulder is a better place to train than Maryland. That is why we get the Aussie invasion over the summer.

LT: When was the last time you went skinny dipping? Feel free to elaborate.

 JZ: It has been quite some time since I have gone skinny dipping, there are not a lot of opportunities for that here in Boulder. The first year I went to St. Croix I went skinny dipping after the race was over. It was under the cover of darkness.

LT:  Craziest place you have ever eaten a fluffernutter (is that what they are called?!) sandwich?

JZ:  I try to stay away from the fluffernutter sandwiches; when my coach found out about this habit he nearly had a coronary! Also, here in Colorado we can’t get the real Fluff, only the fake stuff. But, my favorite preparation is a thin layer of peanut butter with the fluff spread over it on a tortilla. Then, I roll up the tortilla. Yum.

LT: Have you ever run over a prairie dog with your bike?

JZ:  I have been close to running one over, but I have never actually made contact. The prairie dogs are crazy and slightly annoying. Many years ago, when I lived in Baltimore, I was on a ride with a bunch of people. One of the guys, who was riding the old Spinergy RevX wheels, decapitated a squirrel. It was totally disgusting. The head went one way and the body went the other and there was blood everywhere.

LT:  Anything you would like to add?

JZ: Race hard, have fun!