Someday when I am old and fat and slow you will wonder to yourself -Why the hell is Rachel Ross still on the Timex Multisport Team?- so I’ll clue you in now: it’s the pictures I took of our team management at Kona.

Ever had a fever that made you totally delirious? Apparently I tried to swap bikes with Joe Boeness at the bike drop off on Friday afternoon. I have no recollection of this, but Joe doesn’t lie. I slept/hallucinated the rest of Friday away, and woke up ready to go on race day, after my horse-pill sized ibuprofen to get the fever down. I had my pre-race cry (thank you ironmanlive for catching that on film and replaying it for all at the awards ceremony) and got my sorry butt into the water just in time for the cannon. I decided to line up in the front and let the people who actually know how to swim go over me until I found some feet. It was a little painful, but it bought me a six minutes swim PR, so it was worth all the panicked underwater screaming. Swim: 1:03:50.

I rolled over some duct tape in T1 so I got to listen to it flap for 112 miles against my brakes. It was kind of like that water-drop torture you hear about. It was melted on by the end and is now part of my race wheel. April and I passed each other back and forth for the first 30 miles or so, and yelled back at men making inappropriate comments about body parts they shouldn’t be that close to if riding legally. Shortly after Hawi, my eyeballs started to burn in my head again. I reached for the Tylenol to kill the fever and dropped it – and smartly decided to go on. By Waikoloa I was on fire. Not in a good way. I knew the fever was back and it was high. My thinking was cloudy and I was having funky daydreams. So I sat up and spun it in slowly, dreaming of the 800 mg ibuprofen in my T2 bag. It was hard to watch my goal bike split go by, but I managed to get in with time of 5:28:46.

I started the run and saw the family immediately. My training buddy Wil screamed “you have to run 3:23 or better to break 10 – you can do it!” He later told me “I didn’t think you could do it, you looked like crap.” Thanks, dude. I, on the other hand, had planned on running 7:30s the whole way and breaking 3:20, so I actually did think I could do it. I found a Big Island friend and ran down the first of two girls in my AG that were ahead, chatting all the way. Jeff dropped off, so I ran the second 5 mi back to town with Fernanda Keller, who was not feeling very chatty but was a pleasant companion none the less and steady with her 7:30s. I caught the other girl in my AG on the way back to town. Up Palani was more of a party than a run, I saw my kids, my parents, my Oahu friends, and Macca coming down the hill for the win. Sharpie screamed that she loved me, totally making some nearby perv’s day. The pace was pleasant and I made small talk along the road, even though I swore I’d shut up and run this year. Out at the energy lab I saw my superstar friend Bree Wee ahead in the first amateur position (fortunately for me the girl’s a baby and still in the 25-29 AG) and knew I was the next one behind her. I love the energy lab. It’s beautiful and truly the beginning of the end. Lots of people were puking – apparently they don’t love the energy lab. I tried to pick it up for the last 10K home, but it seems holding 7:30s had become my max. I rolled down Palani and onto Alii fairly confident that sub-10 was in the bag. There is nothing like turning onto Alii and seeing that arch. Though it really should be closer to the actual timing mat.. My marathon split was 3:18:45, for a finish time of 9:56:21. Second age grouper (Bree went 9:47 in her first IM!) and 21^st female.

Then I ate a lot of Taco Bell. I mean a LOT, while floating in the ocean behind the King Kam swatting my kids off of my legs. And then I ate a lot of pasta. And then I drank way too much beer. And that just about sums up the following three days. Shockingly, I’ve relapsed and the flu has taken over again, but now I don’t mind.. I wasn’t going to run today anyway.

So you showed up too early. You’re tapering, you’re a little restless, moody — in hawaii we call it feeling futless. I don’t think I have to remind anyone to honor the taper, but maybe I can help someone out there by suggesting some things you not do in the final week before The Show.

10. Try to out-drink an Aussie.
9. Chum the water at Dig Me just to see what happens.
8. Race the dudes time-trialing on the Queen K Friday morning.
7. Attempt to steal Cowman’s hat. He’s large & a little crazy.
6. Play ‘who can get closest to the lava flow’.
5. Go commando at the underwear run. They will arrest you.
4. Order one of everything on the espresso menu at L.J.
3. Decide to try out a better, much more aero bike position.
2. Take up smoking to calm your nerves.
1. Touch Sister Madonna’s bike. She’ll smite you.

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Ironman Revisited is happening this weekend on Oahu, combining the Waikiki Roughwater Swim, the 112-mile circle island road race, and the Honolulu Marathon as originally done in 1978. The event raises funds for the Challenged Athletes Foundation. On Sunday thirty athletes, each with their own support crew, will set out on the original journey. In conjunction with the event, six-time Ironman Hawaii Champ Dave Scott put on a two-day clinic in Waikiki. He won on Oahu in back in 1980 prior to the race’s relocation to the Big Island. Twenty athletes, including participants of Ironman Revisited, showed up to suck all the knowledge possible from the legend. Dave left no question unanswered, covering topics ranging from whey vs. soy protein to how to get abs of steel like those on Bob Babbitt. (Whey wins and Bob wasn’t giving up his secrets, or posing for pics) In 6h of clinic time my IQ quadrupled. While doing drills in the ocean, I learned that I swim all wrong. And how to fix it – here’s Dave showing us how not to swim:

Dave shared the formula he uses to calculate calories required for recovery. Using Friday’s 18 mile run and my ~700 cal/hr burned at a 7:15/mi pace, he helped me calculate that I had spent nearly 1500 calories on the run. I had taken in 500 calories while running, leaving me with a 1000 calorie deficit upon completion. Dave recommends consuming 60% of that deficit within 45 minutes to an hour of finishing – and finishing means the minute I stop running, not after I stretch, shower, make the kids waffles.. Ideally, recovery calories should come in a 3:1 or 4:1 carb:protein ratio. Which left me with a goal of consuming 600 calories in the 45-60 minute recovery window, with 125-150 of those calories coming from protein. Now, I may swim all wrong, and apparently my run form is appalling as well, as I found out during the run drills, but if there’s one thing I’ve got down, it’s the recovery drink. Dave asked what I had after my run – and I told him the same thing I always do – a little gatorade endurance on my way down to Jamba Juice, where I order the Protein Berry Pizazz with blueberries instead of strawberries. What does Dave have to recover from a two hour workout? A Jamba Juice Protein Berry Pizazz with blueberries instead of strawberries. And he has them add a scoop of peanut butter & a carrot. I’m doing one thing right! Dave also emphasized that while 30 min is often recommended for optimal refueling for recovery, the range varies greatly from person to person, and many will gain benefits from eating up to 2-6 hours after very long or intense training.

Another scoop straight from Dave: He’s not quite ready this year, but look for him on the starting line in Kona next October. When speculating on his time, the numbers that came up would put him in the top 10-20, easy. 50-54 is in for a shock.

If you get the opportunity to attend a clinic with Dave, take it! But know that if he tells you to go underwater and hold your breath before he has you demonstrate something for the group – look out – he’s not saying nice things about you while you’re under.

Clinic attendees Stephan Reinke, me, Dave Scott, Raul Boca & Amy Bennett shortly before making the man ride around the park on Amy’s 15 year old Dave Scott bike, which she paid thousands for on ebay (or might have found at Goodwill). Stephan is coming off a 51 minute swim at Ironman Austria and Dave didn’t like his form either – somehow that comforted me a little.

Timex age group athletes raced at USAT National Championships at Hagg Lake, Oregon this weekend.

The race day conditions were perfect: the clouds disappeared and the weather was lovely, the course was beautiful and rolling, the Blue Seventies were buoyant, and the Treks flew by the competition in flashes of red…

Click here for Race Results — all placed well enough to qualify for World Championships in Hamburg in September.

Chris Thomas
Kim Dunker
Rachel Ross
Ian Ray

Huge congrats are in order for Jordan and Kim on their incredible performances at the Clear Lake 101.. just surfing through results of what had to be one of triathlon’s busiest weekends and found that Timex took both the 2nd male & female overall – Go Team!!

Wait, I’m not doing Ben’s job, am I? Now where did I put those pom-poms..