The majority of women in the sport of triathlon do not have enormous hair…and there is a reason. I was looking back on my many (2) years of being a triathlete and thought I might share a few “hairy” moments with you.

Before retiring, at the age of 11, from the sport of triathlon, I rocked the perfect triathlete hairdo. My hair was cut short, and tightly permed into a large ‘fro…I am not kidding…it was awesome. So when I made my triathlon comeback, at the age of 21, I was not sure as to what do with my huge blonde hair. So I had my friend, Lissa “Fisch Face” Fischer, french braid two cute pigtails. The braids were rad until I got to transition, and couldn’t fit my helmet over the braids. I ended up perching my helmet on top of my head, with the straps suffocating me…I don’t even think that is legal.

I was not yet totally turned off on the braided hair idea. The night before my first Ironman, I went to a salon in Tempe and asked the woman to braid my hair TIGHT, so I could comfortably get a helmet over it. The braiding was about a 10 on the “it would hurt less to shove a pencil in my eye” scale. When she finished, she asked if I wanted “product” put on my ‘do to hold it in place. Now, I am about as low maintenace as it gets, so the only “product” I am educated on is deoderant. I now know one thing about hair “product.” When you jump into the Tempe Town Lake, it will flow down your face like a slow moving oil spill. It tastes like 11 pm on a Saturday night, and if it gets in your goggles, you might as well chuck them.

Previously, I participated in the Boulder Stroke and Stride series. The event is super low-key (I was mainly there for the pizza, and the boys in speedos…in that order) but the swim start is BRUTAL. As I took off, I got hit in the face. Hit so hard that it broke my goggles, which held my cap on, so when my cap came off, my hair was everywhere. I was like the Boulder Res Loch-(Hair)ness monster.

The next Stroke and Stride I survived the swim (woohoo), ran into transition, put on my shoes, race belt, tied my hair up…oh wait…I forgot a hair tie. So I ran like a beautiful stallion with flowing hair behind me, yeeeeeah right! My hair was so long by then that the people who were on there way back, running in the opposite direction, probably got smacked in the face by my less than glorious mane.

So I decided to get a bit cut off. My dad told me he had a gift certificate to a salon in town. I figured it had to be better than the last time I went to Fantastic Sams and got the twitchy lady to unintentionally layer my hair. I went to the salon to find ESPN on the TV, jerseys on the wall, and my hair cutter was wearing an umpire uniform. I fully expected to be offered a beer when I sat down in the chair. “So,” I started, “do you, um, get many girls in here?” That was when she told me they only cut men’s hair, but they couldnt legally turn me away…uh huh. “So, have you ever cut a girl’s hair before?” “Nope” uh huh. The hair cut ended up NOT being better than the one I received from the twitchy lady…dang it. I think it is time to bring back the ‘fro.

Many of you might be wondering where I have disappeared to lately???????? Well I am currently in Scottsdale Arizona on a 3 month clinical rotation for school. I know what you are thinking– Arizona in the summer!!! I know I know. I was hoping to be down here in the winter but it just didn’t work out with my rotation schedule. Oh well. With the temp’s consistently over 110 it is great for some heat training (wish I was doing kona). And if one more person tells me its a dry heat, I might go insane and tell them to come down here and do a 5 mile run at 4pm. Let’s just say that back home in Wisconsin I usually don’t take water on a run less than 10 miles. Here I went through my 4 bottle fuelbelt www.fuelbelt.com in 40 minutes– crazy. The only problem is that being an intern I am working close to 50hrs/ week so the training time has taken a serious hit. Right now I am just trying to get into a training routine and get used to the surroundings. But aside from scorching hot temperatures I have enjoyed AZ thus far. When I first got down here I did the Deuceman half-iron Triathlon in Show Low, located in the white mountains. The day started out good as I had the 2nd fastest swim time. The bike was long and lonely until about 5 miles to go when I flatted on a tubular and saw the entire race fly by. 15 minutes later I got it fixed and finished up the bike. Completely unmotivated to do the run now, I decided to give it a go. At mile 1 I was tempted to stop, turn around and walk back. But I ended up finishing the run, a challenge in itself because it was over 90degrees and a hilly course. I had a disappointingly slow run time, but still good enough for 7th best run and 6th overall 1st/age for the race. Last weekend I hit up the Grand Canyon for a serious day hike of 16 miles and over 4000′ of climbing. The day after felt like I just did another race. Anyway thats whats happening in my world lately. Plans for the rest of the year are up in the air as of right now. If anyone wants to visit and get in some heat training come on down and enjoy the “dry” heat with me. Adios

Brian

Harriman Half Ironman, 5/19/07 - My first DNF;  air 55 degrees F, water 60 degrees F, rain, wind 

I had an awesome swim! Thanks to Ben B. for the Helix wetsuit and Melanie for working on my swim stroke. I dropped almost 4 minutes from my last 1.2 mile swim time! Swim 33:29 (my watch time) That’s huge! I also felt awesome, I sighted really well with my Blue Seventy goggles and held great lines. The swim was the warmest and unfortunately the shortest part of the day. 

Now here’s the fun part: running on cold sand into a parking lot and my feet were like little ice cubes. So I get to T1, and its raining. It started during the swim. I didn’t realize it was going to rain so soon, so the garbage bag I had planned for my transition area was under my stuff since I got the end on the grass full of goose-poop. ICK. 

My stuff was appropriately soaked. Wool socks, cycling hat, tights, 2 jerseys and a wind jacket. I put it all on and walked carefully to the bike out. Got on the bike and heard a rubbing sound. “Darn it!” I got off, and checked the front brake pads. Nope not that. Got on and pedaled again, heard it some more, realized it was my race number hitting my tire. Phew! I can live with that. There is a sketchy descent on this course, so the 30 second stop for a safety check is well worth the time spent. 

So, I get out on the course, and started spinning…. “hmm, I’m really cold.” Let’s have some of my drink. That was a challenge. My mountain bike gloves had no grip or traction and my bottle was very smooth. (Note: they were not Spenco and have been promptly thrown out!) So I very carefully got it out and drank. I cranked the bike up to some higher gears and tried to warm up. Nothing was happening. My legs hurt, the cold air really hurt, my toes were still there, but man they were just numb. The small climbs had me reduced to my easiest gearing. I was getting passed like I was standing still. I didn’t understand why my legs weren’t coming around. 

On the downhills you can easily hit 30 mph, but it hurt so much to go that fast. Then I hit the big descent, 5 miles of winding, wet road. I rode the brakes the entire time. I’ve ridden this course before and love this descent! It ends at a hairpin turn, which you basically have to come to a complete stop to navigate. Then comes the 2 mile climb, usually a tough climb for me so I spin up it, since it’s not a one lap race. I was looking forward to that climb to warm up. So were a lot of racers. 

I have never been so cold in my life, but I thought I would “stick it out” for one more lap, so I would do 2 out of 4. I had warmed up a little on the “big hill” but my knee was really hurting. Not good. I couldn’t get my nutrition either, the bottle kept slipping from my full gloves. So I decided to bag the race. My friend rode by me and I told her what was going on. She said I should do the next lap with her. “Thanks, but no” I said. I knew I was done. I wished her good luck and I rode into transition. I found a race marshall and turned in my chip. She had a lot of chips in her hand! I felt better about my decision. I flagged down my friend and she helped me get my stuff into the car. I was standing there looking at my wet stuff, and I started violently and uncontrollably shaking. Long story short: I got changed into dry clothes and warmed up in the car with the heat blasting. 

A little later I went back out on the bike course with a friend and we were cheering on the racers. Our friend rode by us and about a minute later she came back. She was shaking more than I was. She couldn’t get her hands off the bars and we couldn’t get her clicked out. I was a little panicky, because I have never seen someone that bad. We helped her to the car and got her changed into dry clothes and blasted the heat again. She took a long time to warm up. Like 10 minutes before her muscles stopped shaking. Another friend was taken away to the ER. It was a bad, bad day if you weren’t dressed properly. 

I still am trying to figure out what I could have done to make that race manageable. This is what I have come up with: 

1. Keep your transition stuff dry. Bring a bin or waterproof tarp. Use over and under! Even garbage bags would work. 

2. Bring more clothes than you possibly think you will need. 

3. Get out of your wet clothes from the swim. Wet + cold = bad

4. Keep your head warm.

5. Block the wind at all costs. I have wind panel tights sitting at home in a cozy drawer. Along with my warm jacket!

6. Make sure your gloves have grip.

“Fatigue makes cowards of us all.”  -Vince Lombardi

Racing is a great way to guide us in our training…it highlights what we need to work on, feeds our competitive desires, makes us laugh (and on occasion, at ourselves), and can humble us beyond imagination.  Disney 70.3 did not let me down. 

The race day conditions were milder than last year, and the highlight of my morning…warm water!  My goal for the race was to have a better day than California and put the DNF demons to rest.

Upon finishing the race, one of the first phone calls I made was to one of my close friends who, after congratulating me on my finish and listening to me discuss my strengths and weaknesses in the race, proceeded to ask me, “What were you doing in transition?”  I seemed to have overlooked ‘transitions’ when analyzing my race, but she was not going to let me off the hook!  T2 was simple…Mother Nature called, and I made a necessary stop.  She let me slide on that one, but kept pushing to hear about T1.  A bit embarrassed I explained that yes, I failed to listen to the advice of ‘practice your transitions and never try something new on race day.’  Let’s just say…putting on a top when wet proved to be a bit of a challenge for me.  And, yes…I had to laugh at myself. 

But, that was not the only chuckle I had from the race…the surprise came when I realized I suffered (yes, that is the correct term to be used if you saw the size of this ‘wound’) a huge papercut on my backside.  During the first lap of the run my race number was already hanging by one loop on my race belt.  Unfortunately during lap number two (of three), the number fell off.  Thank goodness some participants who were heading the other way saw it happen and gave me a heads up.  The last thing you want to do when you are running is re-trace your steps…but I did not want to be penalized for ‘abandoning equipment’ and so I went back to pick up my number.  Without thinking, I stuck the race number in the back of my shorts.  Well, the good news…no penalty…the bad news…OUCH!
Happy Training.

Considering the racing season has arrived, and all of my body parts are in good working order, I decided to do a race. I weighed my options and decided that a local half marathon that ends at a local brewery would fit the bill…especially since it was my birthday week! I know what you are thinking, “well, that is a recipe for disaster,” but actually, no. If the race had started at the brewery, that would have been a recipe for disaster.

So anyway, I got up early, did the thing, and set off on the hour drive to the race site. I was about half way there when I thought, “I wonder if that gas station has slurpees.” So, I stopped, walked in the gas station, and lo and behold, it was not one, but TWO mullets. Maybe when they got married they decided to skip the rings and get mutual mullets of eternal love instead.

After the completely unnecessary stop, I forged on towards the race. I rocked out in my car, and ignored the voicemail message beeping coming from my phone. I already knew it was my running partner wondering what my excuse was for being late this time. Slurpees, duh.

I made it to the race site in time, ran the HARDEST half marathon of my life (seriously, 1,000 feet of climbing in the first 2 miles), finished 2nd overall, and had an excellent birthday afternoon complete with friends, burritos, beer and an afternoon nap on my friend Brandon’s enormous bean bag chair thingy.